Sweet Place of Breakthrough

My breakthrough came at the end of last summer. I had gotten to a point of being so dissatisfied with myself and how heavy I had become. I was uncomfortable in my clothes. I was never happy with how I looked. I was miserable.

I started Weight Watchers in August. This was going to be my time. I just knew it. It wasn't because my mom had encouraged me to go. It was because I wanted to go. I needed to go. So I followed the plan and watched what I ate. I learned what I could eat so I wasn't feeling deprived. And slowly, but surely, the pounds came off. I lost the first 5, then 10 and, can you believe it, 15. I had broken through my mental barrier that to eat healthy meant feeling deprived. I felt really good - about myself and about my weight loss.

But then it stopped. I stopped.

I went out of town, didn't grocery shop and got lazy. I stopped going to the meetings and then canceled my membership altogether. And of course, the weight came back on. I have gained about 5 pounds back. That may not seem like a lot, but I have a long way to go before I am at a healthy weight.

Knowing I was gaining weight and then seeing I was gaining weight, brought about the cycle again. Dissatisfied with myself at how heavy I had become. I am uncomfortable in my clothes. I am not happy with how I look. I am miserable.

That was the main reason the Made to Crave study was one that I was desperate to do. But I have been a slacker, not completing the assignments and just being lazy. The Excuse Monster is all over the place. Work is stressing me out. It is so cold that going outside is a chore, so it is easier to stay inside and plop on the couch.

But in the back of my head is the gnawing of needing to get healthy and knowing I can do it. I think Weight Watchers is great. I like their approach and it works. I can attest to that. But I need the spiritual part to really make it life transforming. Sure, losing weight in and of itself is good. But it becomes all about me. I look good because of the work I did. Look at me and how much better I feel. I, me, I me. There is no God. It is through God alone that the true life transformation can begin. He is the only that can truly satisfy.

Maybe this was another breakthrough! :)

The Soon-To-Be Skinny Life

I am going to admit it...I am chubby. I haven't always been this way, but I am definitely living that life now. I love food! But it finally came to a point where I needed to do something.

I joined Weight Watchers at the end of July and am happy to say that I have lost almost 12 pounds so far. I am pretty proud of myself! It feels like a big accomplishment that I am worked for a little bit at a time. I like see a double digit total weight loss. But I still have a long way to go before I can concentrate on maintaining my weight.

I have done Weight Watchers in the past and never lost a significant amount of weight. My head is in it this time so I have a plan in place and am being good about my food decisions. I have not splurged one time since starting. However, this weekend may be the first. (I will explain in an upcoming post.)

It isn't fun controlling portion sizes and monitoring everything that goes in my mouth. But it is what I have to do right now so I can be healthy. That is really the ultimate goal and being a smaller person is a fringe benefit.

Besides posting this on my blog, my mom is the only other person that knows I am doing this. I want to surprise my brother when I see him at the end of September so he can be proud of me. He is healthy. He runs half marathons and eats right, but he also knows that it is okay to splurge once in a while. I was on the path that was more about splurging every time I ate.

My clothes are starting to feel a little more loose. While no one has commented that it looks like I am loosing weight, I can see a difference. I am not doing this to please other people. This was my choice and I am doing it for me.

The next phase to ramp up my weight loss has be exercise. I am not looking forward to that. I am going to start with walking. Since my family will be celebrating Thanksgiving at my place this year, I am going to see if my brother will do the Pittsburgh Turkey Trot with me. That will give me a little motivation to get my tail in motion.

But until I embark on the exercise phase, I am going to continue to track what I eat so I can continue to make this time successful!