Soul-Filling Satisfaction

What would truly satisfy my soul? It is easy to come up with things that would satisfy a lot of different aspects on my life.

• Unlimited sources of money to satisfy financial stability
• A toned, fit body to satisfy my health needs
• A beautiful house to satisfy a need for a home
• A husband to satisfy my longing for family (this is getting a little personal)

But my soul???? 

Naturally, the first thing that comes to mind is God. He is the only One to provide true soul satisfaction. What does our/my soul need to be filled with - joy, peace, contentment? Knowing where we are lacking gives us the opportunity to specifically pray and opens us to allow God, in His completely amazing way, to fill these voids. He will fill voids we don't even realize we have.

My list of worldly satisfaction, which can all be completely harmless, doesn't truly satisfy my soul. They provide happiness for a moment, but I will always be looking for what's next. God has allowed some people to be professionally successful. He has given us each individual bodies that respond differently. He provides all kinds of living arrangements. And in His plan, some are single and some are married.

But it goes deeper. 

• Unlimited sources of money to satisfy my pocketbook - is this to buy material possessions to fill my soul with stuff?
• A toned, fit body to satisfy my vanity - is this so people's view of me is higher to satisfy my soul with pride?
• A beautiful house to satisfy my comfortability - does this show my "worth" to the world so my soul is satisfied by material possessions?
• A husband to satisfy my insecurity because I am not married - am I looking for an earthly relationship to satisfy me in a way that only God can?

So what one good thing would I ask from God to help me feel a deep and soul-filling satisfaction? More…more of God. Psalm 107:9 is a great verse because it isn't specific with the longing or the hunger. God satisfies and fills. That's it and I don't need anything more.

(Pity) Party Central

I rely on myself in my battle for weight loss all. the. time. To be honest, before this study, I didn't look at it any other way. It wasn't something I asked God to help me with. I got myself into this, so I have to get myself out. And I fail, get upset and the cycle continues. My own strength is quite powerless.

I joined Weight Watchers again last week and went to my first meeting last night. For me, it is a great program. It helps me with portion control and being aware of what I am eating, which is where my struggle lies. I am not a snacker, but during meal times, I want a lot of food.

The topic this week was about emotional eating. How to control it, what to do instead, etc. So, as I am sitting through the meeting, where helpful, practical tips are shared, a light bulb went off. Yes, the suggestions were good and would be helpful, but I have something, Someone, on my side. We are made to crave, just not food. The suggestions of exercising or doing a hobby were good to help stay away from food, but there is a bigger issue to be dealt with. Will this be something I struggle with forever? Not if I completely and totally give it to God, it won't! But that wasn't the case for the other people in the room. This was going to be a life long battle for them. There wasn't any hope of truly being free from food. 

Someone even brought up the saying, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." The first thing I thought of was, "Nothing tastes as good as PEACE feels." It isn't about being skinny. It is about having peace - the peace of God. My eyes were really opened. I can't do this on my own. I don't want to do it on my own.

I am excited to really push forward with my weight loss knowing that it isn't just about becoming skinny. It is about being healthy because that is what God wants. He wants the best for me and I can't allow anything else to control me.

Delighting in Obedience

Choosing to not be defined by the number on the scale, is a hard choice. I have used that number to secretly define myself for a long time. If the number is up, then I am a failure. If it is down, I want it to go down farther.

So much emphasis is put on weight, looks, the physical appearance in general. Not only do I judge myself by physical attributes, but that judgement has also gone past myself to other people. Neither is good and definitely, neither is beneficial. It puts my mind and spirit in a dark place.

Jesus wants us to be in the light. When I focus on the number on the scale, I am putting the emphasis on me, whether it is good or bad. It is really a selfish thing to do. When I am focusing on my obedience to God, the emphasis moves. It becomes about Jesus and who I am in Him.

My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Right now, I am not super happy with my weight, but my body is still a temple of the Holy Spirit. As I become healthier, my body will still be a temple of the Holy Spirit. That doesn't change.

As I am going through this study, it is hard for me to think why I have never connected my physical and spiritual health. God gave use abilities and skills and it is dishonoring to Him when I am not doing everything I can to bring God glory.

Being skinny, by the world's definition, only brings happiness. And that happiness is completely dependent on the number on the scale. Joy comes from the Lord. When my weight brings down my spirit, the joy of the Lord is not evident in my life. I am made to crave, but only to crave God, not a certain weight or food. Once my focus changes from me to God, then I will truly be delighting in obedience.

Sweet Place of Breakthrough

My breakthrough came at the end of last summer. I had gotten to a point of being so dissatisfied with myself and how heavy I had become. I was uncomfortable in my clothes. I was never happy with how I looked. I was miserable.

I started Weight Watchers in August. This was going to be my time. I just knew it. It wasn't because my mom had encouraged me to go. It was because I wanted to go. I needed to go. So I followed the plan and watched what I ate. I learned what I could eat so I wasn't feeling deprived. And slowly, but surely, the pounds came off. I lost the first 5, then 10 and, can you believe it, 15. I had broken through my mental barrier that to eat healthy meant feeling deprived. I felt really good - about myself and about my weight loss.

But then it stopped. I stopped.

I went out of town, didn't grocery shop and got lazy. I stopped going to the meetings and then canceled my membership altogether. And of course, the weight came back on. I have gained about 5 pounds back. That may not seem like a lot, but I have a long way to go before I am at a healthy weight.

Knowing I was gaining weight and then seeing I was gaining weight, brought about the cycle again. Dissatisfied with myself at how heavy I had become. I am uncomfortable in my clothes. I am not happy with how I look. I am miserable.

That was the main reason the Made to Crave study was one that I was desperate to do. But I have been a slacker, not completing the assignments and just being lazy. The Excuse Monster is all over the place. Work is stressing me out. It is so cold that going outside is a chore, so it is easier to stay inside and plop on the couch.

But in the back of my head is the gnawing of needing to get healthy and knowing I can do it. I think Weight Watchers is great. I like their approach and it works. I can attest to that. But I need the spiritual part to really make it life transforming. Sure, losing weight in and of itself is good. But it becomes all about me. I look good because of the work I did. Look at me and how much better I feel. I, me, I me. There is no God. It is through God alone that the true life transformation can begin. He is the only that can truly satisfy.

Maybe this was another breakthrough! :)

#Empowered

What a week it has been so far! As I mentioned last week, I am participating in a Proverbs 31 Ministries Online Bible Study. I have jumped into it feet first because struggling with my weight and being healthy in general is something I battle with month after month, year after year. I am taking advantage of every opportunity I can get to join in to learn from other people and share in their triumphs and encourage them in defeat.

Because I am taking this seriously and not being blasé about it, I am feeling empowered! I am not alone in my struggle and I have sisters in Christ who are feeling the same way I am. But with the power of Christ in us, we are overcoming our physical cravings and satisfying them with a spiritual one - craving God!

My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord, my heart and my flesh cry out for the Living God.

Psalm 84:2

But this week hasn't been easy, either. I still have to be conscious of what I am putting in my mouth. I have to make the decision to work out. And because it being so cold and snowy here, I just want veg on the couch and watch TV.

I haven't had victory in every decision I have made, but I still feel empowered. I don't have to let one bad decision derail me. It is celebrating the small victories - drinking more water, eating more fruits and vegetables during the day, getting on the treadmill.

Resisting the cravings of this world is going to be a life long battle. And it isn't always going to be food doing the tempting. It could be the craving of material possessions or the craving of me-time. But just as Christ has given the power to overcome food cravings, His power is more than sufficient to satisfy those cravings, too.

Made To Crave - You're Invited!

I am on the brink of starting another Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study. I am sad to say that I have not yet finished one. But I am hoping this is the one that sets me on a straight way. It is such a perfect boost into the New Year. The book that we will be going through is called Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food by Lysa TerKeurst. I am very excited about it.

Every year, I seem to tell myself that I want to lose weight. And it is an ongoing battle every single year. At the end of last summer, I joined Weight Watchers and lost 15 pounds. All of it by controlling what I ate. I didn't do any exercise. I was really proud of myself. Then I fell off the wagon and stopped going. I have also gained some of the weight back.

On Tuesday, I joined a gym. My mom is also a member, so I do have her encouragement to actually go. We went to a Zumba class last night…my first experience with it. I am also being a little more mindful about what I am eating too.

There is shame with being overweight. It could be 20, 50, 100 pounds…anything. Clothes don't fit right and maybe uncomfortable. Causing you to be uncomfortable in the experience. You wonder if people are watching you eat thinking "how can that person sit there and eat all that food." It isn't fun.

It is more than being uncomfortable in your own skin. It is also about health. I am putting myself at risk because of laziness and poor eating habits. My family is full of heart disease. I should want to do everything in my ability to stay away from that same fate.

Weight goes much deeper than just physical appearance and even health issues. It is a spiritual battle. How can I honor God with my body if I am unhappy, ashamed, unable? I can't. I am choosing myself over God. So more than just losing any weight, I am hoping to regain my relationship with the Lord and learn how He is the only thing that can truly satisfy. Not food, not people, not things. For me, it isn't a matter of not understanding it, it is a matter of it not being in my heart, not fully trusting God to fulfill me and turning to food instead.

Whether it is food or something else, we often times turn towards other things to satisfy us when we were created to crave God. I encourage you to join! This will be a great study because God is going to do GREAT things!